Behind The Mask: Narcissism In Social Circles
Beneath a charming smile and confident demeanour, some individuals hide a toxic trait that silently disrupts social harmony.
Often appearing charismatic, intelligent, and admirable, those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can deeply impact the mental and emotional well-being of those around them—turning supportive relationships into sources of stress and manipulation.
Many people may not realise that such traits are signs of narcissism or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)—a condition in which individuals present a flawless image to the public while hiding deep psychological issues that can seriously affect those around them.
Experts warn that the presence of a narcissist in any relationship can transform what should be a loving, supportive environment into one marked by emotional strain and psychological distress.
GRANDIOSITY
Registered counsellor Faizah Mohamed Othman said that in psychology, narcissism refers to a personality pattern centred on a sense of grandiosity or self-admiration in thoughts and behaviours.
As a personality disorder, she said narcissists tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy for others.
“According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (published by the American Psychiatric Association), individuals diagnosed with NPD tend to have a grandiose sense of self, an obsession with success, power, intelligence, beauty, and romance.
“They also believe they are special and deserve special treatment, exhibit excessive admiration, exploit others for personal gain, are envious, and display arrogant and haughty behaviour,” she told Bernama.
Faizah added that those with NPD often appear stylish and charismatic, are eloquent to the point of influencing others, have multiple personas, hold grudges, are aggressive, lie, and frequently portray themselves as victims.
She said narcissists can easily charm new acquaintances, but only those who have known them for a long time will uncover their true nature.
However, not all individuals displaying these traits can be diagnosed with NPD—only a psychiatrist can make that determination, she stressed.
HIDING BEHIND A MASK
Faizah said narcissistic individuals are highly protective of their image and often deflect their weaknesses onto those closest to them, thus presenting themselves as flawless.
She noted that many victims of narcissists suffer mental and emotional pressure due to the narcissist’s tendency to create conflict, manipulate, control, and threaten others.
This leads to victims feeling exploited, guilty, or as if they deserve punishment.
“Grandiosity is their mask and defence mechanism to cover up their insecurities. They are deeply afraid of being exposed and having their true nature revealed.
“Close family members or colleagues are usually the ones who bear the brunt of this behaviour. Narcissists often create problems in their relationships—whether with friends, family, or partners,” she explained.
Faizah said when victims begin to feel guilt or low self-esteem, narcissists feel powerful and able to control the situation, even dictating how the victim should act.
As a result, victims experience devaluation, depression, loss of identity, anxiety, emotional neglect, and isolation.
“I often encounter marital cases where a husband or wife complains about their partner’s narcissistic behaviour. Usually, only the victim seeks counselling. In relationships, narcissists tend to be dishonest, neglect their responsibilities, cheat, or disappear for days, weeks, or even months without a valid reason.
“Some narcissists spend lavishly to show off, but are stingy at home. They may also be irrationally jealous, controlling, and accuse their partners of unfounded things,” she added.
What’s more heartbreaking, she said, is that narcissistic partners can be punitive, aggressive, and verbally abusive—sometimes deliberately hurting their partners.
Faizah said narcissists also isolate their partners from family and friends and use them only for personal gain.
“There are even cases where narcissists involve a third party in the relationship to create desperation, jealousy, and fear of abandonment (triangulation). They subject their victims to cycles of abuse—first demeaning and isolating them, then using ‘love bombing’ tactics to woo them back with declarations of love and affection.
“In the workplace, narcissists may come off as helpful but actually manipulate situations for personal benefit without their colleagues realising. They give orders, criticise, and shame coworkers to achieve career goals and may spend or give extravagantly to expand their social circle or gain influence,” she said.
A POSITIVE SIDE
Nevertheless, Faizah said that narcissistic traits can be beneficial in certain contexts.
Individuals with such traits may make effective leaders due to their confidence and pursuit of perfection, which can drive both themselves and their teams toward exceptional achievements.
“We can see the benefits when narcissistic individuals are in managerial positions. Their image-consciousness and performance-driven nature can elevate the organisation’s status.
“They also maintain high professional standards, consistently striving to be appreciated and admired in the workplace,” she said.
UNAWARE THEY ARE NARCISSISTIC
Meanwhile, Dr Nurazah Ismail, a medical lecturer at the Faculty of Medicine and Health Sciences, Universiti Sains Islam Malaysia (USIM), said various factors contribute to the development of NPD or its traits.
“Studies show that genetics play a role. Neuroimaging (which visualises brain structure and function) reveals differences in the prefrontal cortex (front part of the brain) of individuals with NPD. This area is crucial in regulating emotions and empathy.
“Some people also develop narcissistic traits due to life experiences—such as being victims of bullying. They construct a self-image of greatness to mask their hidden shame and low self-esteem,” she said.
Dr Nurazah explained that, generally, individuals are unaware that they are narcissistic and often believe their behaviour is normal.
This is because many are raised in environments that reinforce such traits, resulting in low levels of self-awareness.
She noted that narcissists often refuse to accept blame and instead project it onto others as a self-defence mechanism.
“For instance, in divorce cases, Malaysia recorded 57,835 divorces in 2023—a significant number. Although common factors such as incompatibility, poor communication, infidelity, and interference from in-laws are often cited, we seldom examine whether narcissistic traits in one partner could be the root cause of these issues.
“Could narcissism be the underlying reason for relationship breakdowns that lead to marital disharmony?” she questioned.
HOPE FOR RECOVERY
Dr Nurazah said one of the main challenges in treating NPD is the individual’s unwillingness to acknowledge their flaws, making voluntary treatment difficult.
Usually, NPD sufferers are only referred to specialists when they face unavoidable social stress that disrupts their daily lives.
“If they are open to receiving help, the primary treatment is psychotherapy. The focus is on building empathy, enhancing self-awareness, and learning emotional regulation strategies.
“Although NPD is a long-term personality disorder, positive change is still possible with consistent commitment and support. Those with NPD or narcissistic traits can learn to improve their behaviour, build healthier relationships, and ultimately reduce the negative impact on those around them,” she said.
— BERNAMA
